Remember that kid from high school who would creep up behind you with clammy hands offering to massaging your shoulders? Well not exactly offer... more or less just straddle you from behind toboggan style, while putting a death grip on your trapezius muscles so you couldn't get away. If you don't recall that kid then your subconscious has done you a favor, and if you do then he definitely makes a cameo in your nightmares from time to time.
I learned an important lesson this week. "Hands" grows up...and unfortunately he never grew out of his compulsion to invade the personal space of others. In fact he doesn't even know what personal space is!? I know this because I work with him. It's not actually the same kid from high school, but a grown up adult version. In the work setting this translates into body contact with every social exchange of words.
"Excuse me" = his hands on your back or shoulders as he mimes squeezing past when there is actually more than 3 feet of room between you and the wall
"This is nice" = him touching the fabric of your clothes and rubbing it between his fingers like he's never felt cotton before
"Do something different with your hair?" = him fingering the ends of your locks (your hair is the same as it is everyday)
"I didn't want to startle you" = he approaches your desk and immediately puts his hand on your shoulder
"A lot of rain lately huh?" = he gives you a baseball style butt tap (ok not really, but I'm sure it's coming one of these days)
This man is skilled and doesn't pick up on body language or social cues. I've literally power walked down the hallway and he still maintains constant contact with his hand on my lower back. I've done "fake outs" and changed which hallway I decide to turn down last minute, I've cleared the better part of a staircase in one jump, and use the reflections in the glass picture frames to avoid a chance run in...my success rate isn't that impressive, but it's a pretty great workout. Maybe someday I'll stop suppressing the word vomit and tell him to get out of my bubble...until then I'll work on honing my cat like reflexes.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
He Could Have Been the First
The first guy who actually 'got it'; who was on the same page.
The following entry is not about suppressed word vomit; on the contrary it's one of the few times I said what I wanted to say... and not just to myself, but out loud.
I metBob...um scratch that, let's call him Ryan. We met back in December and went out on two dates. The first date was really quite great. His humor and excellent choice in restaurants had nearly overshadowed the fact that he was average looking and overweight.
Second date: another great restaurant, very funny convo, and I think he even ordered a bottle of wine for us to split. I don't know why, but when a guy orders the whole bottle I feel like we're both ballers. And I mean that how black people use it, as in 'ballas'. This guy was hilarious and a great story teller. I know, I know, it was Marilyn Monroe who said, "if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." But as I like say, "You can't sleep with someones personality." I wasn't even interested in making out with his. I mean we did, but that's only cause he caught me off guard and because I was trapped in his car. This 'surprise attack makeout' has happened to me on more than one occasion. I must have horrible reflexes or seriously need to come up with a standard line to use when I see an unwanted guy going in for the kill.
After the second date I didn't hear from him for a month and I found this really gratifying for several reasons. First off, it was refreshing that we were both mutually uninterested. Totally mutual breakups almost never happen; kind of like simultaneous orgasms. Second, his not calling meant we were on the same page. He saw it like I did... and was sparring me that weird quasi breakup speech where he makes me dump him even though we were never dating in the first place! I was ready to write him down in my book as 'the guy who actually gets it'. Thank God...finally a guy who is really astute to social cues.
I spoke to soon cause a day later he sent me a text that accused me of ignoring him. That series of texts went something like this:
R: What's up I get no response!? Geeeeez. Guess you're just crazy busy with work or your play...that must me it. [I was actually producing/directing a play I wrote during this time]
Me: Actually I am...the show opens this weekend, pretty hectic.
R: Exciting! However I think you need to prioritize appropriately...let me help.
1. Return Ryan's calls 2. Work on your play 3. Eat 4. Sleep. See how helpful I can be?! Give me a call when you're free and we can get together.
Me: I thought it was pretty obvious after date 2 that we weren't really clicking. Plus any interest that might have been there faded when you let a month pass b4 contacting me again. 1. If you're interested pursue the girl 2. Your the guy and that's your job 3. You should see my play, it's full of dating advice that you might seriously benefit from 4. You're not the only one who can be helpful :)
R: Haha. Holy shit! Good luck with that play, you're seem to be a dating expert so I'm sure it will do well. Bye...
I let him have the last word cause it was not only funny, but well played. Sure it was just texting, but that was some serious word vomit that I managed to let fly, and I wasn't even drinking. Big step forward for Jen Griffin. Back to the story though, his recontact was disappointing... the month lapse was totally unacceptable (that's dating 101), much like the surprise makeout; he totally cornered me into having the pseudo break up conversation that I was trying to avoid! But mostly I just really wanted him to be the first guy who actually 'got it'. I wanted that so badly; much like my naive desire for a heterosexual male best friend, but I'll save that for another blog session.
The following entry is not about suppressed word vomit; on the contrary it's one of the few times I said what I wanted to say... and not just to myself, but out loud.
I met
Second date: another great restaurant, very funny convo, and I think he even ordered a bottle of wine for us to split. I don't know why, but when a guy orders the whole bottle I feel like we're both ballers. And I mean that how black people use it, as in 'ballas'. This guy was hilarious and a great story teller. I know, I know, it was Marilyn Monroe who said, "if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything." But as I like say, "You can't sleep with someones personality." I wasn't even interested in making out with his. I mean we did, but that's only cause he caught me off guard and because I was trapped in his car. This 'surprise attack makeout' has happened to me on more than one occasion. I must have horrible reflexes or seriously need to come up with a standard line to use when I see an unwanted guy going in for the kill.
After the second date I didn't hear from him for a month and I found this really gratifying for several reasons. First off, it was refreshing that we were both mutually uninterested. Totally mutual breakups almost never happen; kind of like simultaneous orgasms. Second, his not calling meant we were on the same page. He saw it like I did... and was sparring me that weird quasi breakup speech where he makes me dump him even though we were never dating in the first place! I was ready to write him down in my book as 'the guy who actually gets it'. Thank God...finally a guy who is really astute to social cues.
I spoke to soon cause a day later he sent me a text that accused me of ignoring him. That series of texts went something like this:
R: What's up I get no response!? Geeeeez. Guess you're just crazy busy with work or your play...that must me it. [I was actually producing/directing a play I wrote during this time]
Me: Actually I am...the show opens this weekend, pretty hectic.
R: Exciting! However I think you need to prioritize appropriately...let me help.
1. Return Ryan's calls 2. Work on your play 3. Eat 4. Sleep. See how helpful I can be?! Give me a call when you're free and we can get together.
Me: I thought it was pretty obvious after date 2 that we weren't really clicking. Plus any interest that might have been there faded when you let a month pass b4 contacting me again. 1. If you're interested pursue the girl 2. Your the guy and that's your job 3. You should see my play, it's full of dating advice that you might seriously benefit from 4. You're not the only one who can be helpful :)
R: Haha. Holy shit! Good luck with that play, you're seem to be a dating expert so I'm sure it will do well. Bye...
I let him have the last word cause it was not only funny, but well played. Sure it was just texting, but that was some serious word vomit that I managed to let fly, and I wasn't even drinking. Big step forward for Jen Griffin. Back to the story though, his recontact was disappointing... the month lapse was totally unacceptable (that's dating 101), much like the surprise makeout; he totally cornered me into having the pseudo break up conversation that I was trying to avoid! But mostly I just really wanted him to be the first guy who actually 'got it'. I wanted that so badly; much like my naive desire for a heterosexual male best friend, but I'll save that for another blog session.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
So What Are You Doing Now?
A couple of friends and I went to Cedar Point ( an amusement park) and in an effort to cool off; ducked into one of the air conditioned theatres for a show. Long story short I saw that one of the peformers went to Ball State University where I studied, (well drank a lot) during my Freshman year of college. Cedar Point is a pretty legit summer job for a college kids studying Musical Theatre. I spent a summer singing and dancing in one of their shows making $500/wk and thinking I was totally loaded. Which is totally loaded for a 19 year old without any living expenses. Heck, I think I actually make less than that now. After we had named all the teachers we both had, she looked at me with her wide naive eyes and in the sincerest voice asked, "So what are you doing now?" She begged the question with the most hopeful, unjaded, and optimistic outlook of a kid still in college. Obviously a girl who's never gotten up at 4:30am, to take a subway 140 blocks to scribble her name on the 'unofficial non-union sign up sheet' (at three different audition venues) hoping she'll get to sing her best sixteen bars for a casting director before her restaurant shift at one.
I didn't have the heart or humility to tell her the truth. I gave her some vague bullshit answer that didn't include getting cast in a Broadway show after my first couple auditions. I wanted to tell her the truth that it's hard and that post grad life as a musical theatre major looks something like this...I'm working a souless job in marketing which I really have no experience in, but my dad knows the boss so he got me in; and it sure beats waitressing! But I haven't totally abandoned musical theatre, I'm currently in a community theatre production of 'Chicago'. No it's not a regional theatre or even summer stock. Just an unpaid gig in a small barn in the middle of Ohio. Kind of a shame about the unpaid part cause I'm drowning in student loans but I'm hoping to start paying them back now that I moved back in with my parents. The local paper just dogged the show in their review, but on the up side we've pre-sold a lot of tickets. And I did get the lead, so it looks like my 120 thousand dollar education in the performing arts is finally starting to pay off. So I understand you're going into your senior year... seriously if it's not too late you should really change your major.
I didn't have the heart or humility to tell her the truth. I gave her some vague bullshit answer that didn't include getting cast in a Broadway show after my first couple auditions. I wanted to tell her the truth that it's hard and that post grad life as a musical theatre major looks something like this...I'm working a souless job in marketing which I really have no experience in, but my dad knows the boss so he got me in; and it sure beats waitressing! But I haven't totally abandoned musical theatre, I'm currently in a community theatre production of 'Chicago'. No it's not a regional theatre or even summer stock. Just an unpaid gig in a small barn in the middle of Ohio. Kind of a shame about the unpaid part cause I'm drowning in student loans but I'm hoping to start paying them back now that I moved back in with my parents. The local paper just dogged the show in their review, but on the up side we've pre-sold a lot of tickets. And I did get the lead, so it looks like my 120 thousand dollar education in the performing arts is finally starting to pay off. So I understand you're going into your senior year... seriously if it's not too late you should really change your major.
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