In typical Jen fashion, I found a certification class, signed up, and put it on my credit card in five minutes flat. That's right, no real thought was put into this decision. It was a couple hundred bucks. Ok, a couple hundred dollars I didn't actually have, but I kept telling myself, "Education is never a bad investment." I'm a pro at rationalizing purchases.
Training day rolled around and I drove to the YMCA and hour away. I was ready to learn everything I needed to know to become the Zumba instructor I'd been dancing behind for the last 6 weeks. The class was taught by two white, middle aged, married people. Married to each other that is...a fact I'm glad they mentioned because the husbands sexuality was beyond questionable. The two of them were cut straight from an infomercial and pasted into the YMCA. They're entrance into the gym was choreographed and cued by music. Their Zumba apparel even framed their Zumba tattoos. Yes, that's right! Both of them were sporting the Zumba logo which was tattooed on their body...in ink...FOREVER! I was getting sweaty, were tattoos mandatory to graduate? It was barely 8am, and the two of them stormed into the basketball court painted gym like a coked out pair of the SNL cheerleaders. "Who's ready to Zumba!!!??? Well come on!!! Get up and let's get craaaazaaaayyyy!" I looked around and people were actually running to get a spot in front. There were no door prizes...why the fuck was everyone running!?! I woke up late that morning and didn't get my Starbucks. I thought it would be ok...I thought we'd start with an informational video or something a little more sedentary.
To sum up the day, we danced a ton, we watched the husband and wife team grind a lot, and we were all brainwashed into joining the "insiders club". The super cool, elite, club for instructors that offers DVD's, music, and discounts for the low low price of $30 a month. I walked into the YMCA repeating this promise in my head, "Don't join the 'insiders club'; no matter what it comes with, or how good it sounds, DON'T PAY TO BE IN THE CLUB!"
I am a weak willed person; especially in the presence of great sales people.
Yes, I am still a member of the stupid insiders club. This will serve as a reminder to myself to call and cancel asap. I got home from the training session and realized I just spent several hundred bucks to watch a white guy "brush the dirt of his shoulders". What the hell did I really know about Zumba!? I didn't walk away with a lesson plan, or dances, or even music. (I have to wait for that shit to come in the mail) I just attended a motivational seminar that got me so pumped to teach I didn't realize that I was only leaving with a club card and a diploma.
The cherry on the sundae of this story is that in typical Jen fashion; I secured a job teaching Zumba about a week before I took the course. I had the daunting task of filling an hour with Latin dance. Dances I know like the back of my hand, so the people behind me can follow along. Do you know how many songs fit into an hour!? Nearly 16! Talk about pressure...why did I do this to myself? I'll say it; I'm scared of Zumba. Unfortunately, next Thursday it's on! Me...faking Zumba in front of a classroom full of people expecting a coked out SNL cheerleader.
